from Yoke and i just had to post it because it was so beautiful:

"Sometimes when you cross the line, things can't go back to the way it was before. Change comes, with recognition, and you should be willing to embrace it, just like I am going to. I am not afraid, this is the life that everyone is going to lead - they just don't know it yet. To the people who I might lose, I only hope you lead a more beautiful life. I know things don't ever last and so do people and relationships. There are circumstances that make up bad relationships, and also people that are just not made for other people, even these change. For now, I am just glad the people I have kept with me are worth my while, and I can only hope I have been as good a friend to them as they have been to me. As much as I know change is inevitable, these are the people I want to at least keep a semblance of as I grow up, I don't plan to forget anything."

i love what we have. it's special in such a strange, unusual way and i love stepping out of convention. exposing so much of my steel-guarded soul leaves me dangerously vulnerable to clinging onto emotions. but i know i won't let it happen. someday you will find someone to soothe your searching body; i will smile with you at the things she does to make you happy. (but) we can only run parallel, and that goes on forever.

i cant believe i just applied for xxxxxxxxx. i wrote my essay in 2 days, used rae's credit card so mom wouldnt find out, and sent it out 2 hours before the closing date. i dont know what kind of strange energy i was driven by.

welllll so i just got my audition date email. now to convince mom and dad that this is a good idea (AT ALL) for 1. my career path/future, 2. to forsake studying something more sensible like law or politics, or 3. to even bother trying for 18 out of 1000 spots when everyone else is a million times more talented. i really want this. i'm just a little afraid of the changes in my life that would have to take place to pull it off. but i guess this is my only chance and i'm going to take it .. (whether or not i succeed.)

okay time to do proper (realistic) apps now. sigh